10 Things Fertility Patients Should Avoid Listening To
Going through infertility is already a deeply emotional and physically demanding experience. Endless clinic visits, invasive tests, lifestyle changes, tracking success rates, and sharing personal details about your sex life—it’s a journey that can feel overwhelming and deeply personal.
As a fertility doctor, I’ve seen firsthand how certain comments—though often well-meaning—can negatively impact patients’ mental and emotional wellbeing. Based on both clinical experience and what I’ve learned from countless patients, here are 10 things you should avoid listening to once you become a fertility patient:
1. “What’s your diagnosis?”
This question often comes up in waiting rooms, where patients may seek validation by comparing treatments. But remember: every case is unique. Your protocol is tailored to your specific needs, and comparing yourself to others can lead to unnecessary confusion and doubt.
What to do? Kindly say: “I prefer not to discuss treatments—every journey is different.”
2. “If it doesn’t work, you can always adopt.”
This comment, usually from loved ones trying to comfort you, can feel dismissive of your pain. Adoption is a separate and complex path—not a simple “Plan B.” Let others know that while you appreciate their support, you need space to process things your way.
3. “You should switch clinics.”
Unless you’ve asked for advice, this suggestion can feel undermining—especially if you trust your doctor and team. Treatment decisions should be yours alone, guided by your medical team—not by friends or relatives.
4. “Let’s start a group chat to track everyone’s treatments.”
This may seem like a good idea at first, but being part of a group where people constantly share updates, failures, and comparisons can increase anxiety and derail your emotional focus. Protect your peace and focus on your own process.
5. “Now that you’re doing IVF, you’ll definitely get pregnant.”
IVF offers hope—but it’s not a guarantee. Placing too much pressure on a single cycle can lead to intense disappointment. Stay realistic and emotionally prepared for all outcomes.
6. “If it doesn’t work, you should just stop trying.”
Only you and your partner can decide when it’s time to stop. Fertility journeys are deeply personal. Others don’t have the full picture—and their opinions shouldn’t shape your path.
7. “Why is your medication different from mine?”
Hormonal responses vary greatly from one person to another. Different medications or doses do not mean something is wrong with your treatment. Trust your medical plan—it was created specifically for you.
8. “All those hormones could give you cancer.”
This fear-inducing statement is medically inaccurate when taken out of context. Always consult your doctor for trustworthy information about risks and side effects. Don’t rely on hearsay.
9. “Why are you going through all this? Others get pregnant naturally.”
Infertility affects millions of people worldwide. Just because someone else conceived easily doesn’t invalidate your experience. Every journey to parenthood is valid—and uniquely challenging.
10. “I’m pregnant!”
Hearing pregnancy announcements can be difficult, especially after a failed cycle. If you’re feeling upset, that’s okay. Give yourself permission to feel your emotions, and talk to your doctor to better understand what happened and what steps come next.
Final Thoughts
Your fertility journey is yours alone. Protect your mental health by filtering out unhelpful or hurtful commentary, even when it comes from people you love. Focus on your path, your plan, and your progress—and rely on your medical team for guidance.