How to talk to your fertility specialist?


Once you acknowledge something is not working properly in the fertility area, it is advisable to find a fertility specialist. This way you will get a proper guidance and the next steps to diagnose the possible causes.

The first important thing to do is to select the right fertility specialist. This is not easy as many specialists are available, most of them with impressive curriculums and studies, however once you get to know them it might be disappointing to find out they are not the person you were looking for. Others are very difficult to get appointments with, because they are so good that the waiting list is very long. It seems like a matter of luck to find the right one. I make emphasis in this because the relationship you establish with your specialist needs to be based in trust, otherwise you will not get the expected results.

Once you select the right fertility specialist, then comes the appointment. Most fertility clinics have a nice warm environment to promote relaxation and tranquility to patients.

If possible try to write notes with the questions you would like to ask. The meeting with the infertility specialist might be overwhelming and condensed with lot of information that will make you leave with even more questions. If you make notes it will be possible to address the previous questions before getting any new information that will result in even more questions accumulated.

Ask all your questions to your specialist.

While there, evaluate how you are feeling with that person, with the clinical team and the environment. It is important you feel confident, secure and safe with the medical team. Even better if you have references from other patients. They can be a rich source of information.

If the clinic offers counseling and guidance try to get it. This way you will get orientated with questions your specialist might not address.

It is important to tell your doctor everything relevant to your infertility, even things you might consider not to be important like the number of partners you have had, and the use of contraceptives. If someone else in the family had problems to conceive, or if someone had problems with the pregnancy.


Try to go with your partner. Four ears will be better than two. He might have more questions. Give him/her the time to ask them properly. Communication between both of you is important to make the best decision based in the final result. Both of you will be tested, and you will have the time to discuss the results together and with the specialist. Try not to be too anxious or stressed.

The fertility specialist should treat your case with respect and consideration. Remember, you made the decision to see a fertility specialist to get help with a problem, not to find another problem. Your doctor should treat you with respect and understanding. After all, you are doing your best to get the best results.Your feelings are important.

Once the diagnosis is made it is necessary to do everything exactly as the doctor says. Do not compare your case with other patients, as every case is different. What you have been given it might not be the same for another patient. And your results will not be the same. Internet can be a rich source of information and guidance, but also a “time bomb”, because the information might be misinterpreted and misunderstood. You might end up comparing yourself with another different case and feel anxious because you are not having the same treatment. Every case is different and might not be treated the same way like others.


Feel confident with your medical team. They are there to help and to make you feel comfortable while the treatment is been made.

Keep asking all the necessary questions. You need to undergo the treatment knowing what is happening and what the next steps will be and why. This way you will be involved and collaborate more with the process. Also the anxiety and doubts will decrease once you know what is happening, why is happening, what are the measures taken to correct it, and the expected results. Better if you do not ask for probabilities as they vary very much from patient to patient, remember every case is different.

Your fertility doctor will be there for you to guide you through the whole process. Trust him/her but most importantly trust yourself. You need to feel deep inside that your relationship with the doctor and team is comfortable. If not, then look for another place, because the results will not be good.

Remember, you are the patient looking for help. The help needs to come from someone you feel compromised with your case and respectful with your feelings. You are looking for a good result, and is necessary to do the best possible to get it.


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